Normally I would not post something so soon after an earlier post, but given the introductory nature of my previous post and the new found urgency resulting from today's events, I feel compelled to write another.
I signed on to facebook this morning to find the usual posts. Various pictures of random things: pictures, various news articles, confusing facebook statuses all the grand things that, when combined create the procrastination machine we all love so much. With that said there are things that one should not put on facebook for any reason.
For a long time I considered depressing posts to be among these things. I too am guilty of pointing out some of my lower emotional moments and while these may not be my favorite things to read it is part of the facebook landscape, so I bite my tongue. With that said, please do not post depressing things all the time, all that will happen is I will block you from my feed. It may sound harsh but I am ruthless like that so beware.
This was my firm stance, until today. When I signed into facebook to find a most disturbing post. A post so horrifying that baby unicorns set themselves ablaze at the mere thought of it. A friend from high school, Ms. Soontobemom who recently located my internet persona is very pregnant at the moment. I do believe that she is due in the next week or so. The facebook post was kind of enough to inform me of her progress. It read, “3cm, 50%!!! Time to just wait..." Admittedly, I have no way of empirically verifying that she is referring to how dilated she is (I did read through the comments, a facet I will discuss shortly and proof of the sacrifices I am willing to make for this blog) but I can't fathom any other meaning for this combination of words.
I have nothing against pregnancy announcements or babies or anything small, cute and stinky but the specifics of one's dilation is a little too personal for the interwebs. I know facebook connections to be some of the most precious friendships we can ever have but I still believe that some things are best kept private. I must be old fashioned that way.
As for the people who comment on this post, I say thee "BOOOOOO!!!" Don't reinforce this behavior. Yes its fantastic that Ms. Soontobemom is having a child I am very happy for her and think she will make an excellent mother but knowing the specifics of her undercarriage?? From here it is a slippery slope to posts on the status various herpes outbreaks and that is something I think we all can agree is just bad.
So, in sum, please do not update facebook with pivotal information regarding the status of your unmentionables. It is not to say that I am not interested in the latest testicular news but I need to prepare for the discussion. Being ambushed with a discussion of pubic hair is one of the worst fates to endure. Godspeed to those poor souls.
Overtime I’m sure that a formal list of facebook etiquette will be compiled and posted for the convenience of all but for now lets keep it simple and stick with just the one.
Facebook Rules
1.) If something out of the ordinary is happening to either your penis or vagina, please realize that facebook is not the appropriate forum.
-theoreticalhero
*LoL* Another source of shenanigans!!! I love it!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTo love the Shenanigans of this fine lad is to know a greatness of no boundaries.
ReplyDeleteAnd there has been some talk of asking many a Facebooking idiot to stop telling the world their deep, deep shite. Although, I don't believe it makes a difference. Once you are comfortable with sharing your no-no zone's irregularities (or even regularities) you have reached the point of no return. I have requested elephant tranquilizers to assist my efforts at reprogramming these delicately imbalanced folk. Details to follow. Or maybe I won't tell a soul...