Dinosaurs by State

While traveling the various spaces of the interwebs recently I discovered that the Triceratops is the state dinosaur of Wyoming.  This is news to me for two reasons, 1) there are state dinosaurs and 2) how the hell did Wyoming get the Triceratops? Clearly there was some sort of bank error because Triceratops > Wyoming, its science.  So I have compiled a complete list of the 50 coolest dinosaurs and matched them with their corresponding state by level of coolness of both the dinosaur and state.  For the more archaic dinosaurs I will provide a brief description of why that combo.


Alabama: Truckosaurus Rex, I don't think I really need to explain this.  He is also known as Robosaurus but that name is clearly inferior

Alaska: Giganotosaurus, while not actually the biggest dinosaur it does have the best name for a big dinosaur and since most of Alaska is unusable anyway they fit nicely.

Arizona: Lambeosaurus: A duck billed dinosaur from Mexico, if you want an upgrade you better be nicer to Mexicans or you get duck billed Mexican stuff forever.

Arkansas: Camarasaurus: I have no idea what to do for Arkansas so it gets this one. YAY this one!

California: Pterodactyl: Still an impossible word to spell but good ole CA deserves it.  Swooping dinosaurs of death really fits this state well

Colorado: Maiasaura: I should note that I am not doing this in order and have entered the free association part of the Dinosaur state chart.  Suffice it to say that this dinosaur goes here because I said so.

Connecticut: Oviraptor: This dinosaur looks like an egg, at least its head does.  And empirical verification (I asked the first person I saw) confirms that Connecticut is in fact egg like.

Delaware: Brachylophosaurus: At a certain point all these herbivores start to look the same.  I mean really dinosaurs be original with your look, add a necklace or a cool crown, maybe bejewel you toe nails, something.  The state and dinosaur are pretty non de-script, so paired they must be.

Florida: Brachiosaurus: The tall one always reminded me of old people, don't really know why.  Florida seemed fitting; munching on soft food in a retirement village.  Possibly wearing a brightly colored shirt.

Georgia: Yinglong Downsi: This probably does not belong in Georgia but I am running out of dinosaurs and I have no strong feelings for Georgia.  But, this one was found in a place called Oxfordian and that sounds really white. Therefore Georgia.

Hawai'i: Utahraptor: I know what your thinking the utahraptor should go with Utah, its in the name.  Well you're wrong.  Im not sure that Utah is a real place Im pretty sure its fictional and if you go there everything looks like a pop-up book.  In any case, it goes to Hawaii for the very good reason that the dinosaur is cool and so is Hawaii.  Utahraptor for the win.

Idaho: Eothyris: According to my sources the eothyris has multiple sets of canine teeth.  Since Idaho looks like an upside down tooth I figure they should keep each other close, like lovers in the night.

Illinois: Psittacosaurus: I have found a number of dinosaurs that have furry looking tails. This one of them and needs to be celebrated in the great state of Illinois. GO BEARS!!

Iowa: Unaysaurus: Really old dinosaur bent on world domination.  Its fossils have been found in Germany and Brazil.  its a good thing they are extinct or they would take over one cabbage at a time.

Kansas: Spinosaurus: Not only a cool name but a really big meany.  I couldn't think of a better place than Kansas

Kentucky: Paradapedon: This dinosaur is hideous.  It looks like an in-bred cross between a hamster and salamander.  Welcome to Kentucky, I'm sure you'll feel right at home.

Louisiana: Euhelopus: Another long necked dinosaur. Its original name was Helopus but some stupid bird took that name.  Either way the original name meant "marsh foot" so it goes to the bayou.

Maine: Hongshanusaurs: Another hairy tailed dinosaur. It kind of looks like the tail has a Mohawk.  In any case it more tail hair than most and should be able to survive the winters.

Maryland: Iguanadon: Could walk on two or four legs and has a great dinosaur name.  Maryland is a happy home for such a creature.

Massachusetts: Brontosaurus: A childhood favorite of mine that would engage in epic battles with the T-Rex and often win.  By the transitive property of dinosaurs, therefore Massachusetts > Texas.  That is a mathematical proof.

Michigan: Carnotaurus: I cant think of a better state for this dinosaur. Its name suggests that it is a meat eating Taurus which we all know is made by Ford, although not necessarily in Michigan anymore.  I think we need to face Carnotaurus against Truckosaurus Rex and see what happens

Minnesota: Diplodocus: Minnesota is a nice state.  I would consider living there if they had a season other than winter.  Either way it reminds me of a seesaw the same way the Diplodocus looks like a seesaw, very proportional.  Well done to both of you.

Mississippi: Barney: Mississippi is kinda like the US's small sibling, just lagging behind the times.  Until they learn to share and be nice they must be forced to endlessly watcht episodes of Barney and friends

Missouri: Stegosaurus: I have never known how to feel about Missouri, so much potential yet responsible for Bud Light.  I feel a similar way about the Stegosaurus, and here the two meet and shall remain forever bonded.

Montana: Giraffatitan: I can hear dinosaur enthusiasts are saying, "but theoreticalhero the Giraffatitan is very similar to the Braciosaurus!!!" To this I say, names are different so therefore they are different things that is all the proof I need.  By the way, this post has made me realize that dinosaurs have the best names.  Why are all the really cool names reserved for stuff that died before time?

Nebraska: Ankylosaurus: This is the one with the really cool club on its tail.  Basically its a reptilian whoopin' stick which is just awesome, not to mention armor!!  Basically this could be a World of Warcraft villain with no problem.  Nebraskans being country strong it seems a natural pairing

Nevada: Maraschus: This guys name reminds me of a meniscus and Nevada is kinda like America's knee, you can live without it but things are a lot more fun with it.  They seem to match pretty well.

New Hampshire: Edmontonia: Back to dinosaur free association.  Im sure there is a town in New Hampshire that sounds something like the name of this one so it goes here.

New Jersey: Pisanosaurus: Not much in known about this dinosaur, just as not much is known about New Jersey.  Sure, we think new Jersey is a perfectly reasonable place with reasonable people doing reasonable things.  But how can we be sure its not populated by sunflower-human hybrids with plans to make the world smell like the Jersey Turnpike??

New Mexico: Zuniceratops: This one goes to New Mexico because that is where is was discovered.  Im all for giving credit where credit is due

New York: Velociraptor: Small yet vicious and pretty smart, New York is not the biggest state but it will still fuck you up so be carful.  Besides they can open doors and know about reflections.  I would love to have them eat my face off.

North Carolina: Allosaurus, basically a "smaller" T Rex but still significantly bad ass.  It is also addicted to cigarettes so it will be at home in the tobacco fields of North Carolina.

North Dakota: Pachycephalosaur: This is the headbutting dinosaur.  Apparently some "scientist" contends that these dinosaurs did not actually butt their heads.  "Scientists" also say that Pluto is and is not a planet, clearly they know nothing.  TO NORTH DAKOTA WITH YOU!!

Ohio: Hylaeosaurus: Because.

Oklahoma: Saurophagnax: It goes to Oklahoma because it was found there and with a name that translates to "lizard eating monster" who doesn't want one as a pet.

Oregon: Dilophosaurus: That spitting dinosaur that ate Newman in Jurassic Park.  For some reason this one reminds me of Oregon, maybe because its raining in that scene, who knows...

Pennsylvania Herrerasaurus:  One of the first dinosaurs as well as one of the first states.  Not the biggest, meanest, or awesomest but still pretty cool nonetheless.

Rhode Island: Eoraptor: The smallest dinosaur on the list for the smallest state.  The only thing cooler than dinosaur names is their translations. Full name: Eoraptor lunensis. Translation: "Dawn plunderer from the Valley of the Moon."

South Carolina: Demetrodon: Basically this one looks like a meat eating sailboat.  You could also describe it as a land shark.  In either case, South Carolina needs a win and I am happy to provide it in dinosaur form.

South Dakota: Carcharodontosaurus: I don't really know why South Dakota gets this dinosaur.  Its a really big dinosaur and kinda reminds me of Mt Rushmore, for no particular reason.  I have never been to Mt Rushmore nor have I met this dinosaur.  I think that is enough to make them the same.

Tennessee: Megalosaurus: First dinosaur in the popular media and first to be displayed completely incorrectly.  Bad ass though, took on stegosaurus, space must be made in Tennessee.

Texas: T-Rex: Both are big, and eat a lot of meat. Besides, if Texas was a person I would picture him with really tiny arms.

Utah: Madeuposaur: I'm pretty sure that Utah does not exist anyway so they don't get a real dinosaur.  When I see proof that this is in fact a place I will reconsider this position.

Vermont: Plateosaurus: Whenever I think of Vermont I think to myself that is an herbivore with useless T-Rex arms.  Luckily there is a dinosaur for that.  Everyone I want you to meet Plateosaurus, Plateosaurus this is everyone....

Virginia: Triceratops: Taken from the bowels of Wyoming and given a proper place of respect in Virginia, rest well mighty triceratops.

Washington: Tyrannotitan: This is the greatest name for a dinosaur ever.  Combining titan with tyrannosaurus, are you kidding me?!?! This is the kinda of name that makes angels cry tears of joy. Thank you dinosaur naming dude, thank you.

West Virginia: Protoceratops: Basically a smaller triceratops without the horns.  Similar to the relationship between Virginia and West Virginia.  WV being the smaller less pointy one of the two.

Wyoming: Leptoceratops: I have put a lot of thought about which dinosaur Wyoming should get.  I thought about nothing because I do not appreciate Wyoming's brazen claim to the Triceratops. Instead it gets this one which is both found in Wyoming and looks like an impotent fish.  The wrongs of the world have been righted, for now....

-theoreticalhero

P.S. It is a lot harder finding 50 coolish dinosaurs than I thought.  You would think it would be a more popular topic.  Shame on you internet for being anti-saur.