Why the Zombie Apocalypse will Begin in Sacramento

If science and religion have taught me anything in recent years it is that the world will end shortly.  A black-hole that is going to be created under Switzerland by some fancy new supercollider causing Jesus to return and rapture christians onto Noah's Ark which the Russians will proceed to nuke, or something like that.  This, of course, is not taking into consideration popular culture which seems to believe that the Mayan 2012 curse will leave us ensnared in a zombie apocalypse.  After careful consideration and much blank staring at maps I think I have discovered where the zombie apocalypse will begin... Sacramento, California.

I should state here that I do not choose Sacramento lightly.  It is a place I am invested in.  I went to high school in the area and I still have family there.  I do not choose the city based on a vendetta due to their practices of forcing peanut butter onto and into small children.  It's a sick and twisted practice and leaves children scarred and alone.  (The evil of peanut butter is another post entirely.) No, I choose Sacramento because I believe zombies to be strategically brilliant despite their claims of being slow moving simple minded brain munchers.  The zombie apocalypse has been extremely well planned.

Reason 1: Sacramento is a fair sized metropolitan area that no one really cares about.  The cool places  in California are the bay area i.e. San Francisco or down south in L.A. or San Diego.  The people in these places do not really care about the goings on in Sacramento.  It is viewed as, "That place where the government stuff happens." So the zombies can acquire a population of about 1 million or so with little or no notice while simultaneously taking over the state government and incorporating a pro-zombie political agenda.  These laws will look something like, government subsidies for brain harvest.  It will look like it could be zombies and it could also weird scientists.  Zombies also support weird scientists.

Reason 2: Easy access to the rest of the country.  In Sacramento two major interstates connect Interstate 5 running from Mexico to Canada and Interstate 80 running from the Pacific to the Atlantic. This allows Zombies to access many densely populated areas very easily, causing the quick downfall of civilization.  This will be important because Zombies need to get to L.A. quickly in order to produce their Zombie propaganda with the television facilities of Souther California.

Reason 3:  Access to food resources.  While Sacramento may technically be a "city" those who know understand that it is a basically a hyper-developed farming town.  Now, many assume that Zombies can only survive by eating brains, or at the very least other people.  This is not true.  They can eat pretty much any living matter but people are delicious and who can blame them for preferring things that taste good.  Another little known zombie fact is that Zombieitis (the disease that makes you into a zombie can be spread by consuming an infected food.  You can also get is from eating a Zombie but thats kinda creepy.  Since Sacramento produces a lot of food, particularly tomatoes it is prime tool for developing Zombie sleeper cells throughout the country.

Beware of the Zombieitis my friends and praise, good fortune and love to Zombietron our future overlord.

-theoreticalhero