TLC will be the downfall of all civilization (not like I am trying to be dramatic)

Reality shows have long been popular now, I have long hated them with a fiery passion similar to the way pterodactyls hate Steve Jobs.  This is a well documented fact, Steve Jobs is the primary reason for pterodactyls being so close to extinction.  Lately though, the geniuses that run the various cable television stations have taken this particular experiment too far.  The most recent and egregious show is called "Mall Cops of America."  This is an actual show and as a result I have lost faith both in television and in culture.  This show, as expected, follows the trials and tribulations of being a mall cop in American.  Apparently the creators of this show do not realize that the recent movies regarding the profession of Mall Copping (Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Observe and Report) are poking fun at them rather than romanticizing them.  While I appreciate middle aged men telling pre-teens to stop running or preventing old men from peeing in the fountain as much as the next this hardly makes for compelling television.

This is not the only show to have a ridiculous reality subject.  There are a number of shows that offer similar topics, there is one on repo men, another on real estate agents.  All told in 2009-2010 TLC had 25 distinct reality shows, 12 of which are returning and 13 new programming efforts.  What happened to shows about tigers mauling things.  There are plenty of tiger maulings to be videotaped out there and I call on anyone with a video camera to capture them and create a show out of it.  If you include lion maulings it could be the most epic show of all time.  If it is a show about bad ass cats then we can at least say that we are "learning" something.  The Discovery Channel has done a great job at convincing us that watching amounts to learning.  With two of their most popular shows being Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters I am not sure just how much learning has gone on but I still change the channel with a feeling that there are worse ways to spend my time.  Considering TLC stands for "The Learning Channel" I think I should take away more than the perils of mall copdom.

TLC is not the only culprit, although their obscene number of wedding shows does not speak in their favor.  CBS was the first to bring reality shows mainstream with long running programs like Survivor, Big Brother and the Amazing Race but I do believe the bar has been raised.  Admittedly all reality shows are populated with people that take themselves entirely too seriously and tend to see themselves as the center of the universe.  This, I am sure, makes for entertaining television but when these personalities are presented as the only option the show becomes less reality and more an outpatient insane asylum.

In short, more shows about cool things that eat other cool things (possibly exploring the feud between Steve Jobs and pterodactyls, the public needs to know).  TLC is still the primary culprit in this case and deserves punishment, perhaps a nice smiting, maybe a fire or even being forced to watch nothing but their own programming on a loop for all of eternity.  This final punishment is admittedly cruel but a man can only take so much mallcopping before he has to stand up to his oppressor.

-theoreticalhero

The Importance of the Bromance for emotionally balanced heterosexual men

This weekend amounted to what was much needed bromancing. I did not realize that I was lacking in this department but as both of my partners live at least 800 miles away it is hard to get my fix. I would like to mention here that yes I do have more than one bromance, yes that amounts to cheating and no I'm not about to stop.

For a long time I was weary of relationships with other men. There were some seminal relationships in my life that had gone arye (that is actually how that word is spelled I checked) so I assumed that it was best to avoid friendships with men. I have a number of female friends, in part because sociology has a high number of women in it and in part because I have a calming presence which they find comforting (or so I'm told). These relationships are all well in good but something was always lacking.

Enter the bromance, I know this new found word has yielded quite a number of jokes and a movie (not great but not terrible) but I think it downplays the importance of spending time with the guys. I understand that friendships, even the life long ones, take a back seat to the most important people in one's life wives, children, parents etc but that in no way diminishes their importance. With that said there is something different about the bromance. Each of the relationships I mentioned has a different dynamic than the man-to-man friendship; it offers a feeling of brotherhood that is not matched in other relationships. In my case, the kinship I have with my actual brothers cannot be matched by the bromance. This is not to say I am not close with my brothers, I am, but as I am the oldest by six years and ten years I am more of a mentor at this point in my life.

Now for the purpose of this whole diatribe. Do not interrupt the bromance. There are many responsibilities that come before time spent with close friends and that time is treasured accordingly. Personally such interactions leave me in a place of balance that is hard to reproduce in other ways.

In sum, bromance = awesome and be nice to it.  That is a scientific fact and disputing it will result in consequences so dire they would force Dick Cheney to give up shooting his friends in the face.  We all know how much he likes to do that so beware.

Also, I have sold out already.  I have gone through the steps to monetize my blog, as any good capitalist pig will do so there will be advertisements appearing shortly.  Feel free to regale me with insults and general name calling.

-theoreticalhero

The Rules and Regs of facebook

Normally I would not post something so soon after an earlier post, but given the introductory nature of my previous post and the new found urgency resulting from today's events, I feel compelled to write another.

I signed on to facebook this morning to find the usual posts. Various pictures of random things: pictures, various news articles, confusing facebook statuses all the grand things that, when combined create the procrastination machine we all love so much. With that said there are things that one should not put on facebook for any reason.

For a long time I considered depressing posts to be among these things. I too am guilty of pointing out some of my lower emotional moments and while these may not be my favorite things to read it is part of the facebook landscape, so I bite my tongue. With that said, please do not post depressing things all the time, all that will happen is I will block you from my feed. It may sound harsh but I am ruthless like that so beware.

This was my firm stance, until today. When I signed into facebook to find a most disturbing post. A post so horrifying that baby unicorns set themselves ablaze at the mere thought of it. A friend from high school, Ms. Soontobemom who recently located my internet persona is very pregnant at the moment. I do believe that she is due in the next week or so. The facebook post was kind of enough to inform me of her progress. It read, “3cm, 50%!!! Time to just wait..." Admittedly, I have no way of empirically verifying that she is referring to how dilated she is (I did read through the comments, a facet I will discuss shortly and proof of the sacrifices I am willing to make for this blog) but I can't fathom any other meaning for this combination of words.

I have nothing against pregnancy announcements or babies or anything small, cute and stinky but the specifics of one's dilation is a little too personal for the interwebs. I know facebook connections to be some of the most precious friendships we can ever have but I still believe that some things are best kept private. I must be old fashioned that way.

As for the people who comment on this post, I say thee "BOOOOOO!!!" Don't reinforce this behavior. Yes its fantastic that Ms. Soontobemom is having a child I am very happy for her and think she will make an excellent mother but knowing the specifics of her undercarriage?? From here it is a slippery slope to posts on the status various herpes outbreaks and that is something I think we all can agree is just bad.

So, in sum, please do not update facebook with pivotal information regarding the status of your unmentionables. It is not to say that I am not interested in the latest testicular news but I need to prepare for the discussion. Being ambushed with a discussion of pubic hair is one of the worst fates to endure. Godspeed to those poor souls.

Overtime I’m sure that a formal list of facebook etiquette will be compiled and posted for the convenience of all but for now lets keep it simple and stick with just the one.

Facebook Rules

1.) If something out of the ordinary is happening to either your penis or vagina, please realize that facebook is not the appropriate forum.

-theoreticalhero

The Prospect of New Beginnings

I was asked, a few months ago, to start a blog.

That is not entirely true, I was told, a few months ago, to start a blog.  And like a good boy I did as I was told.  This is not something I do frequently, adhere to authority, but the source is trusted and so I acquiesce.

This blog will be of mixed nature.  Hopefully points will be amusing, others informative, with an occasional rant thrown in.  Currently I am working to conclude my MA in sociology.  I finished the first draft of my thesis on the tactics that white students use in maintaining white hegemony in the classroom.  It is safe to say that much of my internet words will be focused in this area and the crazy things that white folks do.  It is also safe to say that there will be a fair number of misspellings and typos.  While I am an aspiring academic I have never been one for focusing on the minutia of writing.  I am about to embark on the great adventure that is applying to PhD programs. I am confident that much tomfoolery and many shenanigans will be documented

The first formal post will come soon.  I hope everyone enjoys what is to follow